Tired and emotional

Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!I've been meaning to post for days but haven't been in the best of moods so thought I'd spare you the pity party. I've not cheered up that much today, to be honest, but thought I ought to post or I'd give up the blog completely and I don't want to do that as it's a useful tool for me to express my thoughts about my weight loss. Or lack of loss, as this week would have it. I had a bad week, to put it mildly, and have put on 4.75lb - grrr! I did have pizza twice, two lots of fish and chips, ice cream, wine and - on one night - nine (count 'em) pints of Stella followed by a kebab AND butter and pate on toast!!!! Serves me right, I know. That magic five stone mark is looking even more elusive. And I'm still craving pizza today.

Part of the reason is my knackeredness through not sleeping very well and having a constant headache because of that. I'm trying to cut down one of my medications as it's linked to diabetes but it's wrecking my sleep. This makes me tired and grumpy and not in the mood for walking and eating healthily so I pig out on rubbish and promise that tomorrow will be another day. I got back on the straight and narrow yesterday but today is proving a struggle. Domino's is calling my name very loudly and I'm about to cave in. I suppose if I do that I can claw the calories back through exercise during the rest of the week but I feel so weak and helpless at the moment.

The uncertainty about my job doesn't help. I received a phone call last week asking me when I'd like to start, even though the pre-employment checks aren't complete, so I said today. They then phoned back saying they might like me to start next Monday (10th) but would confirm on Friday. They didn't. Then I received a Criminal Records Bureau form to fill out and the accompanying letter said that the checks can take up to 25 working days and that I wouldn't be "offered employment" until they had a satisfactory result. Does this mean I won't be starting next week? I tried to call and find out several times but nobody is answering the phone, leaving me very frustrated and worried. And wanting to eat.

And today's my six-month anniversary of starting my diet so I want to be good. There are positives. I'm ahead of schedule and have dropped two (or three, if you believe my jeans - I don't) dress sizes. My BMI has dropped by almost 9 points and I'm within shouting distance of just being obese, rather than morbidly so. I've lost inches and over four and a half stone. But it was almost five stone last week so I can't help but feel disappointed, which is daft. I can fit into clothes that wouldn't go near me six months ago and I bought a cardigan coat from Monsoon in a size 20 rather than a size 22 - both fitted and the 20 was a touch snug but I figure that I'm going to carry on losing weight so it will prove a better buy in the long run. I might go and try on a dress I haven't been able to wear for over two years and see if it will fasten. If it does, I'll be good and have an apple. if not, I might give in and order pizza. I almost hope it doesn't, greedy cow that I am!