I'm starving. I've eaten two reasonable meals today (50g Special K and skimmed milk for brekkie and tomato soup and a roll for lunch) but I could eat a horse. A whole stable full in fact. I'm sure I had horse meat on a school holiday to France when I was 11 and, as far as I remember, it wasn't that bad. A bit like pork. Not as bony as goat - mmm, Jamaican curry goat - and distinctly edible. But then again, anything seems good to me when I'm this famished. I need to go out for a walk to earn some exercise calories so I can have a snack or two but it's spitting so I'm being a wuss and waiting for it to stop.
Actually, I could probably have a snack even without the exercise but I'm becoming a bit of a control freak and almost enjoying the self-discipline it takes to lose weight. I try to wait until I'm falling over with hunger before I let myself eat something - it's quite worrying. But if I eat before I'm really hungry, I'll be hungry again sooner and run out of calories. I'm very rarely full these days although I managed it on Friday night after steak, chips and spinach and two lagers. Made a nice change from the constant emptiness that occupies the space food used to. I swear that when I feel bloated and my tummy's sticking out (even more than normal that is!) it's because of the air inside me, puffing me out like a balloon.
But it's worth it as I've lost 7.5lb this week. If my scales are telling me the truth that is. They said Jim had lost 3lb this week so they might be having a mental. But I've worked hard enough to deserve a good loss. I've done more walking and been Mrs Strict of Strictville when it comes to my food. No cheating at all for the first time in ages. No secret oatmeal and raisin cookies that don't make it into my food diary. No extra 25g of grapes or piece of toast and pate. Everything I've eaten and drank has been dutifully recorded and I came in a couple of hundred calories under for the week. But they were exercise calories and you can get away with only eating half your exercise calories if you've got a lot of weight to lose. Or so the WLR sages have it. I'm trying to eat slightly less than the full 100% to prepare me for losing yet more calories and having to eat them all further down the line. If that makes any sense - not sure it does!
I might be losing weight through not eating if my wisdom tooth keep bothering me. It's bleeding and oozing pus (sorry, TMI!) so I've booked my first dentist appointment for four years on Tuesday. I used to go every six months until we couldn't find an NHS dentist and I refused to go private, especially as my teeth were okay. But I've found an NHS dentist at the end of the road so I was planning to go for a check up anyway; now it's just a bit more urgent. I hope I don't have to have it out but, if I do, I hope they can fit me in before I start work. Not that I know when that will be as they're still checking me out. I hope it's soon as we're getting broke again and I'm bored out of my tiny mind. Bored and hungry is not a good combination when you've a) got a fridge full of food and b) have a number of delis and a Sainsbury's within a few minutes' walk, all filled with bread and cake and ice cream. And that's not counting the temptation of the dreaded Domino's.
I think I need a banana.
Sunday 24 February 2008
Sunday 17 February 2008
30% is the new black
As part of my weight loss "journey" (pretentious, moi?) I've made a list of mini targets to break up the 199lb into smaller goals and today I crossed off another one. I lost 4.75lb this week so I'm over 30% of the way to target - another 4.5lb and I'll be a third of the way there. If I can lose that by the 3rd March, I'll have done it in six months which is ahead of target. I know the remaining two-thirds won't come off as quickly as this so it's good that I'm ahead of myself in case the weight loss slows. I really hope I can get to halfway there by 13th August, which will give me a full year until my sister's wedding to lose the second half. But I'm loathe to set myself date-related targets as you're setting yourself up for failure and bodies aren't machines that'll lose weight at a consistent rate as I've found out over the last few weeks.
My calories have dropped to 1596 a day so I'm going to try to do at least a 45-minute walk each day for the extra calories. I know 1596 probably seems like a hell of a lot to those people on 1100 a day - the minimum WLR lets you go down to, but it's 300 less than I started on five and a half months ago. I'm going to try eating just half of my exercise calories as I don't really need the full 235 that a walk will give me and gradually eat a higher percentage as my calorie allowance drops. At least I'll be walking to and from work soon - when they finally do their checks and give me a start date - so that'll be an hour a day, maybe a little more. The way there isn't too bad as it's downhill but coming home will be tough as the first part of the journey is up a street called Christmas Steps which, as it's name suggests is, well, steps! Two sets, in fact, with a steep slope in between. And then another hill follows that so it's hard work for a fat, unfit lass like me. But I'm determined to do it rather than get the bus home as it'll be good for me. Remind me of that when I have a heart attack halfway up!
I'm trying to think of good portable diet-friendly lunches to take to work. I hope there's a microwave so I can do soup and maybe the odd jacket potato. I'm not a big fan of sandwiches, unless they're made on the spot so I might try some variations on pasta and couscous salads. Bill Granger has a recipe for a puy lentil salad with feta in one of his books so I might give that a go and add some lean chicken for protein. I think I'll be doing a lot of things with roast vegetables.
My calories have dropped to 1596 a day so I'm going to try to do at least a 45-minute walk each day for the extra calories. I know 1596 probably seems like a hell of a lot to those people on 1100 a day - the minimum WLR lets you go down to, but it's 300 less than I started on five and a half months ago. I'm going to try eating just half of my exercise calories as I don't really need the full 235 that a walk will give me and gradually eat a higher percentage as my calorie allowance drops. At least I'll be walking to and from work soon - when they finally do their checks and give me a start date - so that'll be an hour a day, maybe a little more. The way there isn't too bad as it's downhill but coming home will be tough as the first part of the journey is up a street called Christmas Steps which, as it's name suggests is, well, steps! Two sets, in fact, with a steep slope in between. And then another hill follows that so it's hard work for a fat, unfit lass like me. But I'm determined to do it rather than get the bus home as it'll be good for me. Remind me of that when I have a heart attack halfway up!
I'm trying to think of good portable diet-friendly lunches to take to work. I hope there's a microwave so I can do soup and maybe the odd jacket potato. I'm not a big fan of sandwiches, unless they're made on the spot so I might try some variations on pasta and couscous salads. Bill Granger has a recipe for a puy lentil salad with feta in one of his books so I might give that a go and add some lean chicken for protein. I think I'll be doing a lot of things with roast vegetables.
Wednesday 13 February 2008
Worker bee
That's what I'll be in a few weeks' time. I didn't get the TV job - they liked me, blah, blah but felt that me being older than the assistant producer would be problematic, the ageist buggers! But I got the office job so I'll be an Administrative Officer for the Ministry of Justice shortly, providing my "pre-employment checks" go through okay. I assume my references will be decent enough and I'm not a serial killer but I do have a chequered health background and have had to leave a job because of my depression. But that was over two years ago and I'm a lot better now so it should be alright. I had to fill in a medical form so they might check with my doctor but I go to an open practice and rarely see the same doctor so they won't know me from Adam.
But, touch wood, they should formally offer me the job soon and I hope I can start by the beginning of March. It'll be so good to be out of the house and speaking to people again. And the money, while not great, is better than Jobseeker's Allowance and we might be able to have a life instead of watching every penny. Although I did go out and treat myself to a grande skinny vanilla latte this afternoon as a treat and have gone 9 calories over my daily allowance (after dinner thankfully, not before!). I've been really quite disciplined this week but have been getting very hungry and have suffered from headaches for the last couple of days. I think it's the shock of sticking to calories after a week of going 500 over every day. But it kick started my weight loss again so I'm glad I did it... and I got to eat like a piggy for seven days!
I hope my new workplace has a microwave so I can take in soup and the occasional ready meal. But if it doesn't, I'm only five minutes walk from M&S so can buy sandwiches if needs and finances permit. And I'll be earning nearly a couple of hundred calories a day from walking to work. Even more if I can brave the hill and walk home. I might have to if I want to have the occasional glass of wine or pudding. I really wanted to have the winter puddings (like summer puddings but with apple and plums as well as the blackberries and blackcurrants) I bought from Waitrose this evening but have run out of calories so will have to have them tomorrow as a little Valentines treat. I have to walk into town to sign on (hopefully for the last time depending on when I start) so I should be calorie-rich. Unless Jim gets some sparkling wine or something.
It's 13 years since we got engaged tomorrow so 14th February does mean something and isn't just commercialism to me. And yes, I was practically a child fiancee! When I phoned my mum to tell her we'd got engaged, she asked me if I was pregnant!!!! I think that tells you everything you need to know about my mother. I do miss being 18; I was thin then. University was the start of the slippery slope to fatness - too many portions of chips, giant sandwiches and pints of cider and huge portions of pasta with cheese and bacon as a regular meal. Or my favourite lunch of two toasted bagels filed with red pesto, salami and melted Cheddar cheese. Mmm, could just eat that now. I've just come back from Sainsbury's where I managed to resist the oatmeal and raisin cookies and wensleydale that were calling my name. Instead I bought some Berocca vitamins and two sugar-free jellies. How times have changed.
But, touch wood, they should formally offer me the job soon and I hope I can start by the beginning of March. It'll be so good to be out of the house and speaking to people again. And the money, while not great, is better than Jobseeker's Allowance and we might be able to have a life instead of watching every penny. Although I did go out and treat myself to a grande skinny vanilla latte this afternoon as a treat and have gone 9 calories over my daily allowance (after dinner thankfully, not before!). I've been really quite disciplined this week but have been getting very hungry and have suffered from headaches for the last couple of days. I think it's the shock of sticking to calories after a week of going 500 over every day. But it kick started my weight loss again so I'm glad I did it... and I got to eat like a piggy for seven days!
I hope my new workplace has a microwave so I can take in soup and the occasional ready meal. But if it doesn't, I'm only five minutes walk from M&S so can buy sandwiches if needs and finances permit. And I'll be earning nearly a couple of hundred calories a day from walking to work. Even more if I can brave the hill and walk home. I might have to if I want to have the occasional glass of wine or pudding. I really wanted to have the winter puddings (like summer puddings but with apple and plums as well as the blackberries and blackcurrants) I bought from Waitrose this evening but have run out of calories so will have to have them tomorrow as a little Valentines treat. I have to walk into town to sign on (hopefully for the last time depending on when I start) so I should be calorie-rich. Unless Jim gets some sparkling wine or something.
It's 13 years since we got engaged tomorrow so 14th February does mean something and isn't just commercialism to me. And yes, I was practically a child fiancee! When I phoned my mum to tell her we'd got engaged, she asked me if I was pregnant!!!! I think that tells you everything you need to know about my mother. I do miss being 18; I was thin then. University was the start of the slippery slope to fatness - too many portions of chips, giant sandwiches and pints of cider and huge portions of pasta with cheese and bacon as a regular meal. Or my favourite lunch of two toasted bagels filed with red pesto, salami and melted Cheddar cheese. Mmm, could just eat that now. I've just come back from Sainsbury's where I managed to resist the oatmeal and raisin cookies and wensleydale that were calling my name. Instead I bought some Berocca vitamins and two sugar-free jellies. How times have changed.
Sunday 10 February 2008
Back of the net!
Just a quickie today to make up for the essay I wrote yesterday. Things have finally started moving again and I've lost 4.25lb this week, which makes me very happy. This takes me over the 4 stone mark so I've ticked off another of my targets. Now if I can lose 2lb this week, I'll have less than 10 stone to lose which seems like a huge milestone. I think the biggest one will come when I'm finally under 20 stone. I know I'll still have 7 stone to lose but I'll be halfway to goal and seeing your weight in the teens is far better than seeing it in the twenties.
Had a lovely day yesterday at baby Ben's party but ate far too much. I tried to be good and had some crudites and dips but then said sod it and had some pizza, cocktail sausages and a slice of chocolate cake. At least I was driving so couldn't drink. Not that I felt like it after the dinner party on Friday! Am having a lazy day in front of the telly as it's Chelsea v Liverpool at 4pm and I can't face a walk (despite the glorious weather) as my achilles tendons are really sore. Might try and do some aerobics later if I feel up to it. Or I might leave it until tomorrow, lazy old bag that I am...
Had a lovely day yesterday at baby Ben's party but ate far too much. I tried to be good and had some crudites and dips but then said sod it and had some pizza, cocktail sausages and a slice of chocolate cake. At least I was driving so couldn't drink. Not that I felt like it after the dinner party on Friday! Am having a lazy day in front of the telly as it's Chelsea v Liverpool at 4pm and I can't face a walk (despite the glorious weather) as my achilles tendons are really sore. Might try and do some aerobics later if I feel up to it. Or I might leave it until tomorrow, lazy old bag that I am...
Saturday 9 February 2008
The Waiting Game
Sorry for the radio silence folks but I've been waiting for news about my job(s) before posting. And waiting. And waiting. And I still haven't heard so I thought I'd better post anyway so you know I'm still alive. I had my telly job interview 9 days ago and they said they would let me know by Monday. Monday came and went as did Tuesday and on Wednesday I plucked up the courage to call them. "We haven't decided yet" was the response. "We'll let you know as soon as we can". But they haven't so I'm stuck in job limbo. But I had another interview yesterday for an admin job at the county court and it seemed to go well so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that. It won't be as exciting or well paid (comparatively) as the TV work but it's a steady job and I need the money and stability of a long contract. So we'll see. They said they'll let me know by mid-week or so, so I'll post as soon as I find out.
I need a job even more than ever as I did a foolish thing yesterday. I was in the centre of town after my interview and, fuelled by a triple shot grande skinny latte, I decided to check out Debenhams beauty hall. I've been coveting a new skincare regime for ages as I still get blemishes and my skin is quite oily so I was pottering around the Estee Lauder counter sniffing moisturisers and the sales lady nabbed me. She was very knowledgeable and lovely and sat me down to discuss my skincare "needs". Everything seemed so nice that I bought seven - count 'em - products and spent £200!!!!!!! Luckily, I have a very kind and patient husband who didn't kill me but we don't really have the money to be spending a sum like that on fripperies and treats. But I've done it now and they're sitting proudly on my bathroom shelf, all shiny and new. Let's hope they work.
I'm a little hungover this morning as we went out to a friend's for dinner last night and had rather a lot to drink. And eat. The diet isn't going enormously well at the moment as I put on 1.75lb last week and was too ashamed to post. I know it's some kind of weird plateau but I've lost the plot a bit and eaten far too much this week. Although that could help as I read that eating maintenance calories for a week then going back to the diet kick starts your weight loss again. I haven't weighed myself this week but I have a sneaky feeling I've gained gain. But I'm going to be strict from tomorrow and hope that I start losing again as I'm getting a bit disheartened. I can't start today as we're off to Swindon for our nephew's first birthday party and some cake might find its way into my mouth!
I'm even considering Lighterlife (any tips, Mrs L?) or the Cambridge Diet if I don't see a loss soon. I'll keep plugging away at calorie counting for a while yet but I'm worried that I've stopped losing weight this way and I'll have to try something more extreme. Plus, it would be good to see some big losses in the first couple of weeks to inspire me and make me stick to a food-free diet. And I'd probably lose the weight faster on a VLCD. Hmm, I'm almost talking myself into giving it a go. But I'm not at desperation point yet and I do like my food too much. I just need to go cold turkey on treats and up the exercise next week and be patient (not my strong point). I'll post my weight tomorrow and blog a bit more to keep me on track.
Right, I have a banging headache (naughty wine!) and need to go to Boots for some heavy duty painkillers. I may even have to get a can of fat coke to wash them down. But I'll draw the line at a fried breakfast!
I need a job even more than ever as I did a foolish thing yesterday. I was in the centre of town after my interview and, fuelled by a triple shot grande skinny latte, I decided to check out Debenhams beauty hall. I've been coveting a new skincare regime for ages as I still get blemishes and my skin is quite oily so I was pottering around the Estee Lauder counter sniffing moisturisers and the sales lady nabbed me. She was very knowledgeable and lovely and sat me down to discuss my skincare "needs". Everything seemed so nice that I bought seven - count 'em - products and spent £200!!!!!!! Luckily, I have a very kind and patient husband who didn't kill me but we don't really have the money to be spending a sum like that on fripperies and treats. But I've done it now and they're sitting proudly on my bathroom shelf, all shiny and new. Let's hope they work.
I'm a little hungover this morning as we went out to a friend's for dinner last night and had rather a lot to drink. And eat. The diet isn't going enormously well at the moment as I put on 1.75lb last week and was too ashamed to post. I know it's some kind of weird plateau but I've lost the plot a bit and eaten far too much this week. Although that could help as I read that eating maintenance calories for a week then going back to the diet kick starts your weight loss again. I haven't weighed myself this week but I have a sneaky feeling I've gained gain. But I'm going to be strict from tomorrow and hope that I start losing again as I'm getting a bit disheartened. I can't start today as we're off to Swindon for our nephew's first birthday party and some cake might find its way into my mouth!
I'm even considering Lighterlife (any tips, Mrs L?) or the Cambridge Diet if I don't see a loss soon. I'll keep plugging away at calorie counting for a while yet but I'm worried that I've stopped losing weight this way and I'll have to try something more extreme. Plus, it would be good to see some big losses in the first couple of weeks to inspire me and make me stick to a food-free diet. And I'd probably lose the weight faster on a VLCD. Hmm, I'm almost talking myself into giving it a go. But I'm not at desperation point yet and I do like my food too much. I just need to go cold turkey on treats and up the exercise next week and be patient (not my strong point). I'll post my weight tomorrow and blog a bit more to keep me on track.
Right, I have a banging headache (naughty wine!) and need to go to Boots for some heavy duty painkillers. I may even have to get a can of fat coke to wash them down. But I'll draw the line at a fried breakfast!
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