Bah Humbug!

I'm so not full of Christmas cheer this morning. For some unknown reason I've managed to put on 0.75lb this week, which I know isn't a massive gain but still makes me grumpy. I know my body is probably adjusting to such a big loss last week but I wish I could have just stayed the same so I don't feel as though I'm going backwards. It's nice saying "I've lost 33lb" and horrid the next week to have to amend it to "I've lost 32.25lb" and now I doubt I'm going to make my mini goal of losing 40lb by Christmas. Serves me right for setting time goals; I should just be happy to lose the weight as and when it comes off instead of giving myself unreasonable expectations. I'm still ahead of my 2lb a week schedule so I should be happy. But a gain just throws a massive spanner into the works and has me doubting myself again.

I know I can do this. I know it's going to take me a long time but I'm convinced that I can get there. So why does putting on a measly 3/4lb make me worry so much? I'm just terrified that for some reason my body just won't lose the weight and I'll be stuck like this forever, getting inexorably fatter until I'm bed bound and weigh 75 stone. I'm fed up of being like this and just want to be a decent weight again. And I've been doing all the right things this week. I've stayed within my calories, even counting a violet cream chocolate that was inside my spanking new wooden nativity advent calendar (70 calories! For one chocolate!!). I love rose and violet creams and I'll be getting one every other day from now until Christmas. The advent calendar has a nativity scene on top of 24 mini drawers, each big enough for a choccy surprise and I'm sharing the opening with Jim. I get rose and violet creams and he gets a broken up bar of Green and Black's cherry chocolate.

We're getting our Christmas tree today. For the first time we actually have room for a big one so we're going to get a six-foot Nordic spruce (or something) with non-drop needles so you don't end up with sharp bits of tree embedded in your foot every day. Only problem is, when we normally decorate the tree, we have mulled wine and stollen or mince pies to accompany the carols and general festiveness. And they're far too many calories for me so I'm going to have to make do with a lemsip (for my ongoing stinky cold) and a satsuma. Unless I say "Sod it" and have a treat and hope the extra calories kick start my weight loss again. Nah, knowing my luck I'd just put on more weight next week.

I'll probably weigh more next Sunday morning anyway as my parents are coming to visit next weekend and we're going out for dinner on Saturday night so I'll be full of food and wine. They're bringing down all our Christmas presents and taking theirs back with them so I'll have to pull my finger out and buy some. No, I still haven't braved Cribbs Causeway but am going to go tomorrow night. Really. And not go to Nando's for my tea. Oh how I love the Nando's. Half a chicken and chips with garlic sauce and a coke is just my idea of heaven. But it comes in at well over 1000 calories and is just a no-no unless I save some calories in advance. Which there's no chance of me doing between now and tomorrow night unless I don't eat today. Or unless the fancy gym actually calls me back about my free trial day and I can go tomorrow and work my butt off.

But that's not going to happen and I'm going to be stuck in my unemployed hell with just QVC and the fridge for company. They were advertising for a receptionist at the gym and I might get a free membership if I worked there but the pay's probably gash and they're not going to want a fat bird behind reception putting off all the skinny gym bunnies. I guess i could apply and see. Anything's got to be better than Jobseeker's Allowance. It's no wonder I want to turn to food. But I won't. I shall resist heroically and see if the weight comes off again next Sunday. All I can say is it'd better.